A guide for both of you. Because the first six weeks belong to your whole family, not just one person.
Your life is about to change in more ways than one. Not just because there is a baby coming, but because the two of you are about to become different versions of yourselves. You are going to have to learn those versions of each other in real time, while running on no sleep, with a tiny person who has very strong opinions and no ability to communicate them clearly.
That is a lot. And it is okay that it is a lot.
Your roles are going to shift. Things that used to be hers may temporarily become his. Things that used to be his may look completely different for a while. That is not a failure of your relationship. It is just the reality of what this season asks of you.
You do not have to figure it all out at once. You just have to keep figuring it out together. This guide is that conversation.
Before you begin
Your answers save automatically
If you need to close the page and come back later, your answers will still be here on the same device and browser. No need to start over.
Do this together
This guide is designed to be filled out as a couple. If you need more than one sitting, plan to return to it together on the same device.
Download when you are done
At the end you will download your completed plan as a PDF. Save it, print it, or keep it somewhere you can both find it.
Leave blank what you do not know yet
You can come back and update your answers at any time. The plan is meant to grow with you.
Your progress: Ready to begin
Before you get practical, get honest about what you each hope this feels like. Not what you think it will be. What you hope it could be.
For Mom
For Dad / Partner
Together
Parental Leave
Dad/Partner's Pre-Birth Admin Checklist
This is your job to own.
Mom is going to be healing, feeding, and learning her baby. The last thing she should be doing in those first days is tracking down HR forms and insurance paperwork. Dad/Partner, this is yours to handle before and immediately after birth. Fill in the contacts now so you are not searching for them at the worst possible moment.
What happens in the delivery room shapes everything that comes after it. Naming your plan and thinking through what a pivot might feel like is not pessimistic. It is one of the most protective things you can do for your postpartum experience.
Our Planned Birth Experience
Check all that apply to your current plan.What This Means for Early Postpartum
Your birth experience affects your recovery.
A C-section, whether planned or emergency, means limited mobility, a longer physical recovery, and restrictions on lifting and driving for several weeks. An unmedicated birth may mean faster initial recovery but significant physical depletion. A medicated or interventional birth carries its own emotional and physical aftermath. Knowing what to expect from your planned path helps you prepare the right support around it.
If the Plan Changes
Birth plans change. That is not failure.
An emergency C-section when you planned an unmedicated birth. A medicated birth when you hoped to go without. A transfer from home to hospital. These pivots happen, and they can carry real grief, confusion, and sometimes trauma that does not disappear just because the baby arrived healthy. Naming the possibility now, and having a plan for how you will support each other if it happens, is an act of love before you need it.
The agreement you make before the silence takes hold.
What is Radical Honesty?
Radical Honesty is the ability to tell your partner something about your lived experience without fear of explosion, silence, or consequences. It means being able to ask for help and know you will be heard. In postpartum, Radical Honesty is not a luxury. It is a survival tool. One of the most common postpartum patterns is that mom stops asking for what she needs because she is afraid of being a burden, and partner stops offering because they do not know what is needed. Both go silent. And the silence becomes the problem.
What Supports Mom
Fill this out together so dad/partner knows without having to guess.One of the most overlooked sources of postpartum stress. Decide together in advance so neither of you has to make uncomfortable decisions on the fly.
This is Radical Honesty in action.
Deciding your visitor boundaries before the baby arrives is one of the most protective things you can do for your relationship and your recovery. It removes the burden from mom of having to manage her own energy while healing. Dad/Partner: this is yours to hold and yours to enforce. She should not have to be the one to ask people to leave.
Sharing the News
Decide together what you are comfortable sharing and who shares it.| What We Share | Welcome | Not Yet |
|---|---|---|
| Birth story | ||
| Baby's name | ||
| Photos of baby | ||
| Details about baby's health | ||
| Details about mom's recovery |
Feeding is often where the invisible load begins. Both of you have a role here. Talk through what that looks like before you are both exhausted at 3am.
Our Feeding Plan
Nutrition
Mom cannot heal without adequate food and water. Dad/Partner: keeping mom fed is one of the most concrete ways to support her recovery.Sleep deprivation is one of the fastest ways to create conflict between two people who love each other. Talk about this before you are both running on empty.
Sleep is not a reward for whoever worked harder.
It is a medical need for both of you. Protecting each other's rest is one of the most loving things you can do in this season.
Mom's primary job in the first six weeks is to heal, rest, learn her baby, and feel her feelings. Dad/Partner's job is to protect that space for her.
For Mom
The Household Handoff
This is not a complaint list. It is a handoff plan.
Mom has been carrying a lot of things that do not live on any official to-do list. The first six weeks require her to put most of them down. This table is how you decide together who picks them up, and how mom gives herself permission to let go of them without guilt.
| Task | Who does it now | Who covers it postpartum |
|---|---|---|
| Cooking meals | ||
| Grocery shopping | ||
| Laundry | ||
| Cleaning and tidying | ||
| Dishes and kitchen | ||
| Older sibling care | ||
| School drop off and pickup | ||
| Pet care | ||
| Bills and finances |
For Dad / Partner
A note before you answer.
Do not wait to be asked. By the time she asks, she has already been carrying it too long. Do not let her become the only expert. You are both learning this baby for the first time. Get in there. Try things. Get it wrong. Own it. Try again. That is how you become someone she trusts to hand the baby to.
Together: Staying Connected
You are not supposed to do this alone. Fill in your support network before the baby arrives so you are not searching for phone numbers at 2am.
Your Care Team
| Role | Name | Contact |
|---|---|---|
| OB / Midwife | ||
| Pediatrician | ||
| Lactation Consultant | ||
| Mental Health Support | ||
| Postpartum Doula |
Your Village
| Who They Are | Name and Contact |
|---|---|
| Family: daytime | |
| Family: nighttime | |
| Friend who has been through this | |
| Meal support organizer | |
| Childcare for older children | |
| Errands and appointments | |
| Emergency backup |
Dad/Partner, this section is your watch list. You may notice these signs before mom does. Please do not wait for her to ask.
Contact her care provider if mom experiences:
Contact a mental health professional if mom experiences:
Emergency Contacts
| Emergency | 911 |
| Suicide and Crisis Lifeline | 988 |
| Postpartum Support International | 1-800-944-4773 |
| National Maternal Mental Health Hotline | 1-833-943-5746 |
Your Personal Check-In Plan
Add your names and due date so we can personalize your plan, then download it to save, print, or share.
Save it, print it, share it. And know that just by doing this together, you have already started the most important conversation.
You did not fill out a postpartum plan because you have it all figured out. You did it because you decided that figuring it out together was worth the effort.
That decision is the whole thing.
The plan will change. Baby will rewrite it approximately one hour after arriving home. You will be more exhausted than you can currently imagine and more in love than you can currently imagine, sometimes in the same ten minutes.
But you will not be doing it alone. Because before the baby came home, you both decided this belonged to both of you.
Want to go deeper? Follow along at @the_professional_parent for tools, scripts, and real talk about partnership after kids.